Am I Gay? The Cake Test

Photo by Deva Williamson on Unsplash

One way you know you might be gay is if you just wanna eat your man’s birthday cake from a plate rather than smearing it all over his naked body and then eating it.

You may very well be in love with him. But are you in lust? The answer to the latter can be found in whether or not you want to smear cake all over him — like everywhere up and down — and then lick it off of him. When you’re in lust, the cake you smear is merely the frosting for the real cake, your man.

Now, some lezzies (who are trying not to be) can fake this cake test. But there is only so much faking a gay can take. It may take many tests with many men before you will allow yourself to notice the pattern — a preference for skipping the smearing, rubbing and licking.

Put simply, if with a cake and a man, you gravitate toward utensils and plates, you’re gay. Unless you don’t like cake, in which case you might want to redo the test with mangos or strawberries.

And there you’ll go a-gay, smearing the fruit. Perhaps you’ll enjoy the novelty — practicing the story for your friends as you smear. But if you’re gay, you’ll soon be sticky, and that is the only thing you will be. Sticky.

And then what? get in the shower? The cake pieces getting chunked off and squished into the drain? I don’t think so. You’d try to make it cute, you’ll try to…